Sandpiper

Do you have a special place you go to get away from everything? Maybe a secret waterfall, a beach, or like me, Sandpiper Resort. On Hutchinsen Island, in Stuart at the Indian River Plantation, there is a pool, jacuzzi and a bar on the beach. The pool is just beneathe the palm trees stocked full of coconuts and the jacuzzi sits right next to it. I love the tiki bar and hate the prices of their drinks, but I guess it's better than the tourist who have to pay to stay at the resort at over $279 per night, plus the expensive drinks. They have a small area next to the mangroves called "Hammock Point" where they have about 3 hammocks, the nice kind, and you can hear the waves while relaxing in the sun.

I went there yesterday and spent the day after a sick buffet at the Baja Grill with a mamosa. We had a few drinks at the pool too, but not too many, and got a medium sunburn. Not too much sun though, for we have to save some for Sarasota this weekend. As we were getting wet in the pool, wouldn't you know it, Blair Root my old dancing nemesis, shows up with his girlfriend. Funny, I told him about this spot years ago and brought him a few times. Now it's his spot too I guess. Brandi and his girlfriend were wearing the same bathing suit. How weird is that? With all the places to buy bathing suits and all the suits every girl has for them both to wear the same one on the same day to the same place... Must be a very nice suit.

The Sun drained us and we were asleep by 4:30 after a large cheese pizza from papa Johns.

I assure you that after this weekend there will be better stuff to write about and great pictures too.

See ya Monday....

See Pictures

Putt-Putt

Damn it's hot in Florida. Perfectly hot. I just love living here.

Do you ever eat hamburgers at restaurants? I don't I usually have steak, or seafood, or something a little more extravagant. However for lunch I went to Chili's and ordered a hamburger, and damn. I think the only one I have eaten in 5 year was from burger king or mickey d's. Stupid to write about hamburgers in a blog, I know, but this was a whole new experience for me.

I went with this girl. God shes beautiful. Shes got me all wound up inside and I can't seem to get my mind off of her. Night or day. I was looking at someones myspace and saw an avatar that said "if you can't get someone out of your mind, maybe their supposed to be there." Any way we split the burger and found a little piece of heaven in it, then got a to go coke, and finished off a bottle of whiskey. The bottle my buddy bought me for getting out of jail. It was ok after 3-4 shots.

Now what... So we decided to terrorize the 76 Golf world and play some putt-putt, which I won by 13 strokes. A little pin ball and some air hockey. I, by the way, kick serious ass at air hockey and won the best of 3 games, and then this little kid came by and whooped me, and said "how does it feel to get beat by a 9 year old?" Smart ass...

So not much happened, but I was with my best friend and some alcohol. Can't get much better...

See Pictures

Good Morning...

No drinking last night. Not a drop. I feel better to. I have no idea what happened in town, and don't care. Hell, it was Monday, if you care, you need to slow down. I took a nap and slept till 8pm and watched ugly betty on abc.com all night. Had a long conversation with my best friend and slept. AHHHHH....
I heard I missed the Lunar Eclipse. I allways miss it, and don't find out til someone asks me if I saw it. WTF!
Ok so I'm trying to get a rental for this weekend. I will make it happen. Sarasota it is. Sounds like a riot. Right on the beach with sugary white sand, and free liquor, food, and some great people. I appreciate the invite. Even if someone does need a ride.
I am going to the gym. Ahhhh... I so need it. Get some blood moving around, burn some calories and get in shape.
So Hogans son got into a car accident, Lindsey Lohan does 86 minutes in jail for cocaine, and Britneys cool again. Why is it we know all about this stuff and couldn't point out Idaho on a map.
Anyway Blah blah blah blah, I can't believe your reading this boring ass shit. Later...

Back to me...

I forgot, now I remember... If you need more than that you wouldn't understand anyway...
A night of laughs and great music started at the park in Stuart. Chip, my buddy (who brought me a very select bottle of whiskey to celebrate my release from jail) came and brought me to a drum circle. Really. They do it every sunday and have been for 10 years. Where have I been? I borrowed a drum from a hippie named Denise and jammed a little while, but mostly listened. It was surreal and I wish I would have known about it for longer, I have gone every Sunday. My kind of people. Real mellow and positive. Love and peace and all that shit.
Jamie, Chip's Brandi, showed up and it was good to see her. Yes they are still together, congrats...
We ventured off to Crawdaddies were I had some of the best seared tuna ever. But I sent it back because it wasn't rare enough. (what an asshole right, I mean how do you get raw fish more rare than raw) But they brought it back uncooked which made it very good. God I love raw fish...
The Mojo Band was there and they were a little more jam band-esk, if you will, will long guitar solos and they had a new member they were trying out, and he was awesome. I will say that those guys are great whether your looking to get out and dance, or pay attention to the vibration of the scales in the guitar solos.
Also tonight I did a little personal critisism. An honest dive into my responsibilities as a father, provider, human, and friend. I have a weakness for the blindfold of being in love. It has taken my attention off of whats important and consumed me for as long as I remember. I found magic in one moment and tried to stay inside that moment for the past 4 years like a drug addict chasing a dragon. I have no regrets, for I have experienced passion at its finest and some bonds that most of you will never understand, but in the mean time I have lost focus on my future. My children have suffered, my family and the one I thought it was all for. I confess that I saw it all happening as it was happening and still chased that dragon without pause to the obvious consequences and gave notice only to the moment. I traded family, friends, and any success I was able to achieve for one dose of her poison.
I will not do it any longer. I will go to my kids and give them a future. Be there for my family and those who come along for the ride are welcome, those who can't thats ok too.
I realized tonight why so many people are attracted to my energy and why so many are repelled by it. God give me the determination to stick with my current understanding and not focus on the past...
Click here for pictures of tonight...

Dancing in The Streets

Dancing in the Streets is over and we all had a great time. I suggest if you didn't go, then next time you should and if you did, why didn't you come say Hi...

I met my buddy Sammy around 4 at the Ashley to get an early start. Which is crazy because I did the same thing the day before and drank till 2am. How I had the energy or the balls to start drinking that early I don't know. Guiness is such a good beer. Dark and tasty. It was raining and I was worried they may shut everything down, but it cleared up and the party got underway. We read horoscopes to everyone at the bar like nerds and I met one of the guys I was in jail with. I think his name was Chris, we played chess, I kicked his ass. He works at the Ashley now... My two favorite bartenders were there, Denise and Boston. They always take care of me and haven't found a way to kill me yet. When no one is at the bar yet, they are the party. I love you guys, now that you know how to MySpace... Boston has to have his daughter show him how... Old Fuck... A magician came by and spent 20 minutes blowing my mind and taking my money like it was a trick. Not that funny..



..
So Brandi, Paige and her friend from Ohio came to the Ashey and did some huge pulls on the bottle themselves. Paige looked fabulous as always, and girl It was good to see you. I miss the ol' days when you lived here. Your a joy to be around, and thank you. (you know what I mean)

Wouldn't you know, as the day became evening and the egos were growing the Mojo Band walks in. WHAT!! Are you kidding me, this is great. I love this band. I'm not really into the music but the guy can draw everyone onto the dance floor and make sure we all have good times. And boy did he do it. We danced until we were dripping in sweat. Greg, the singer, got Paige and Brandi up on stage for a little ass shaking. These girls wrote the book on it to. They kept thinking they were done until the crowd and I were like NOOOOOOO! Afterwards they got me up on stage and then it was over, I was dancing nonstop.





..
JC and Christine show up later. My dog whos going to record some music with me, and we partied a little. Cool guy... Damn it Jim, he keeps saying...

After Paige and Brandi and JC and Sammy and Rhonda and blah blah blah, I went to the Stuart Ale House. I call it old faithful. Easy to have a good time there, and wouldn't you know I find Bonnie. I haven't seen her in like 9 years I think. You know those people you are close to and somehow they just drop off the planet and when you see them again all grown up and shit, your like EEEEEEEEEEEE WOW, OMG It's U.... Well I was like that and I'm drunk at this time so, come to think of it, I sure hope I didn't make a fool of myself...



Stumbled in the door about 2:30 after a Crunch Wrap Supreme, and Quesadilla from Taco Bell. Yumm.

It went from 'Raining in The Streets' to 'Dancing in The Streets' to 'Stumbling in The Streets.' Which means a job well done.

I am going to detox today, hopefully...

Click here to see all 30 pictures

Stuart Ale House

Stuart Ale House, again, I know I know... But Dj Ron made Dave Matthews Day for a little while and we jammed. About 6 of us were singing at the top of our lungs to a 15 minute live version of warehouse. Surreal and very florida. Outside on the porch good people, the best music and cold beer. Miller Lite... I met JC, a musician who has excellent recording capabilities, and I told him about a song I had written. I have all the words and chords and I'd like to sing it. He's been a music pro for over 10 years and said he could add a solo and a beat and we burn it to disc. "Are you kidding me?" I have held this song so close and it means so much to me and now it's going to be a final piece? I can't wait. So we are meeting on Sunday to begin the production of "Wave your hand." I will upload it as soon as it's done to my page and maybe even some drafts. You think it'll help me get the girl? Let's drink on it!! Yeager bombs, make it 2. Damn $14. Yeah happy hour gets you ordering like crazy and then it's over and what do you do? Slow down? Yeah right.I saw a new mother, Shannon, who just got my out of the house. She named her kid Marley, which is obviously named after ol' Bob, and it's a girl. Sounds like a little heartbreaker. Good luck Shannon... She was out with all of her friends, and they were all having a good time except for one shy girl. Couldn't get her to cheer up, even me! Weird so we went back to discussing the mechanics of the new Dave Matthews album. More interesting.Oh shit this is funny. I was walking aroung taking random shots (pictures - haha) and I found a couple and asked if I could take their picture. After the flash I said, "you've been MySpace'd." Their eyes got as wide as the east id from the west and asked me to delete it. So i did, NOT. But what I did do is dig into WTF was going on. We've all had our share of MySpace explosions and I couldn't wait to hear this one. They seemed to clam up and decide to just end the conversation. I ordered a drink (number 10) and they walked out. Hmmm... I did find out her boyfriend was in jail... Naughty Naughty... So I posted it... It's a small ass town and everyone know everyone see we'll see what happens...

Click here for the pictures

Dancing in the streets is tonight, and I feel it's my obligation to be there. I can't wait to see what kind of pictures I get there.

Live today

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Choices

We've become addicted in life to happy endings, closure. But life isn't about the understanding of our fate, but learning to deal with not knowing it. The only thing certain in life is the uncertain outcome of our choices. We expect a destiny that models alike to our hopes and dreams. Maybe we should model our hopes and dreams around life as it unfolds. Taking solitude in knowing that if our lives are headed somewhere unknown, then our goals may also change to what we haven't a glimpse of today. And when we see these changes, the foretold crossroads, shouldn't we unrobe ourselves from the pressure of what we'd been praying for, and simply pray for something else.
Giving up isn't allways throwing in the towel. Sometimes it's a refocus. A nessessary shift of energy to a new day, an unwritten future. Sometmes it is giving up. I don't think we'll know untill one day we look back and see if we'd have done it differently.
We can only hope to follow our hearts in this journey to death. Not money, success, power or anything we have to leave behind. I hope we all make it the right choices...

Drugs

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consceincness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is just a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Mirrors

Do you share the mirror with someone? Do you stare at yourselves and notice the wrinkles and the eyelashes? Laughing at making strange faces, odd frowns and lop-sided smiles.
One day fifty years from now, staring in a mirror with the same person, making the same faces, only seeing a face battered by the years. Wrinkles lined the eyes and eyebrows standing tall.
The best thing about the mirror you share now, and the one you'll share in fifty years, are all the ones in between and having your best friend remember the wrinkles you didn't have the first time you shared a mirror.

Absolutely Nothing

Well I can't think of anything thing to say today. My mind cluttered with to many things to write about, thing I can and can't write about, things I do and don't, shouldn't and won't.
So I'll just say that I love MySpace. I am bored and instead of watching TV, because right now I can't, I watched MySpaceTV which happened to rock. I saw a live concert today with 'My Chemical Romance', 'Linkin Park', Taking Back Sunday', and 'Placebo'. Most of the bands suct live, which is what I've come to experience in most of the concerts I've been to, but My Chemical Romance was ok. But the fact that I was watching it live and streaming to my PC was very cool, considering my first experience with a computer was on a Commadore 64, 1986 version, playing with that tarzan type guy who swings on vines over alligator pits. The whole technology age is not only upon us but consuming us, and I'm loving it.
Of course I am having trouble installing a simple fucking program into my media player and it's stopping me fom watching my favorite shows on ABC. Crazy huh. The huge revolution of streaming videos and live rock shows, and I can get a fucking install to work. I should probly call my 8 year old and ask him for help.
Well for those of you reading, thanks for giving a shit, and for those who aren't, well it doesn't matter you not reading anyway.
Goodnight Blue...

The Little House in the Moment

Has your heart ever skipped a beat...? Have you ever been so consumed by one second that you could just stop time and stay. You knew everything was as it should be, more than it could be and nothing could take it away. It happened to once to a man named Joe and a girl named She

He sucked himself inside that beautiful moment and stayed. He built a home in it with a bedroom and a stove. He became so comfortable in that little house that he forgot to look forward or rewind. He built a swing between two trees and vowed to never leave it behind. After a while Joe stopped paying attention anyone or anything that didn't live inside that little house with him.

One day a knock on the door and Joe looked out the door that he had untied, he saw a whole world and walked outside. He saw all kinds of new things and old ones he saw to, forward and behind things till his face was blue. Joe walked so far that when he turned, the little house was gone. Had he really gone that far, what turn did he take wrong.

He tried and tried night after night, to find that little house, looking everywhere, new high and low, and couldn't seem to find that precious little home any more. So Joe built a new house that looked quite the same, built out of the same bricks, even a little stove and a bedroom. No matter what he did those houses weren't the same.
One day exhausted and tired, everything came into view and that one perfect little house showed itself, with that swing hung between the trees, and the little bedroom with a stove. He ran with vigor to his dream and touched his swing, ran into the house and closed the door behind him and smiled. At last he was home. But in that little house he was home in alone.

When Joe had left for a walk that while ago, She went to look for him and got lost on her own. She struggled to find him, screaming his name, but no where was Joe when it started to rain. She started building new houses, bedrooms and stoves a little drawer to place her clothes.

Joe sat for a while in the little house that was everything he had once dreamed. But it became dark and lonely. Once again the door knocked, he open the door and saw the world again, it was time to go. The world offered hope to find someone new, new moments, houses with new swings too. He hung a little sign on the door and closed it for good.

"I know the things this world has, don't offer them to me. I sit behind this door alas, alone I'll wait for She"

Your thinking sex, right? Thinks again...

Today I met someone who gives me breath. Her eyes are as bottomless as seven oceans. She can see me even when I hide behind walls. She knows my next words and can scent like Christmas morning. She awakens a blaze in me that I hadn't known. She's forgiving and sweet, and her face. Oh God shes beautiful.She took my hand and kissed my skin, stared into my cold eyes and wiped away my tears. Her hand on my heart, and head on my chest. I scream my honor to the heavens just as her lips barely felt mine. We kissed without touching our lips, our breath so close and my pulse matched hers. She stared into me all the way down to my soul. I let her. She let me. Do other people feel this way?My hands felt the smoothest skin, from her toes, to her ankles, the top of her head and her nose, I'm blown away. She felt the tips of my fingers just before they touched the small of her back up to her neck. We slept.One finger sliding down my nose to open my eyes. I open them into hers. I will never forget this moment.

If you could only see...

So, I learned something last night. Not that it was taught to me but on one of those moments that just seems to make everything 'click' and come together
"How we feel is only important to ourselves. But what we do is important to everyone else."
We can explain ourselves, our love and hate in extraordinary ways. Our words formed with magical precision and even in seductive syllables. The depth of our feelings described as if they consume our lives, but ideas are different than blueprints, and even further from the house.
Ever been told your loved by someone and couldn't believe them? Why? You ever scream hate and misery on someone and never act on it? Worthless…
Our feelings are only seen and believed and agreed with when something is done.
She loves him and scribes a painting, he loves her and sings her a song, or maybe a SHMILY behind the mirror where she hides her toothbrush. Hate with a punch. Priceless…
To many times do we fight over our feelings. Try to re-explain what everyone 'should' know, while we sit idlely by at expect them to remember..
Today, tomorrow, and everyday, do something. I think it could change the world…

Nightmares

A moment stretched into a thousand years; the unholy silence screams at me; I grabbed the edge of my pillow with my teeth and prayed for death.

The pictures burned to my memories are forced upon me; it's torture to see; I opened my eyes and marked another day down. Only 100 more.

The truth was stolen from me from those to selfish to let me go; it will never come out now; I threw some water in my face to wash it off. Didn't help.

The lies were given as revenge and taken in exchange for my blood; this is permanent and you'll never recover; I read a chapter and then another and never saw the words.

The Devil embraced the silence singing the revenge I'd find; you'll be there when they fall; I ate a left over orange and brushed my teeth. Now what.

You stole from me and I hate you for it; I'll crush you with my hands until you admit it; I laid down again and stared and the flickering light. I'm so tired.

The screaming gets so loud from the thousands of little voices; they're laughing at you; I woke up and knew I was dreaming the whole time. 99 days to go.

91 views today

Well I guess I have readers. 91 today so since your all listening.....
A long conversation with a friend, a good one (thank you Sammy) I have had for 10+ years, I received some important advice. Some sanity in my life is priority. So I am going take it.
"Sever all ties or it will never end"
I will never be forgiven for the things I did (and didn't) do, the blood is in the water and it isn't safe to drink. So I'm going to get a new bottle of water. A fresh unopened bottle. (WOW that actually is what I need, my head hurts) And what happened to hating me. I think it's smarter to do that anyway. Feelings leftover are damaging to everyone and unproductive for my future, which by the way will make fucking history..
I have a fresh start, but already it's feeling like my last fresh start. This may piss some people off, hurt some people and they may feel betrayed and angry. But I have to focus on me.
There seems to be a constant flow of misinformation from "friends" so it's time to evaluate who they are. I'm leaving anyway so pretend that I'm gone. Talk as much as you like, good/bad, shit sing songs of distaster or morbid relationships but I will not be involved.
For peace, and sanity, (mine - most importantly and selfishly) allow this to happen smoothly...
So without further stalling the enevitable.... Goodbye, Good Luck and may God be with you...
Do headaches really last this long, damn it's painful.
So I am back. I had a great night with absolute drama free people. Saw Boston up at the Ashley, he's jumping on the blog. So props on the drinks.
I guess I better figure out some important shit to say, but my headache isn't letting me access my brain...
New MySpace Ad Slogan :
"MySpace - Ruining lives since 1988"
Clink link to see picture of last night
http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t293/jmfc/Collage.jpg

I feel good today

"The future is no place to place you better days" Dave Matthews
"I've been drifting, for years it seems" Trey Anastasio
Damn I didn't remember how good music was. bam bam bing da ding ding.
YEEE-HAW!!!
Well I haven't made a fool of myself in a while. It's time to get jiggy with it. (are people still saying that?)
No poetry or rediculous thoughts even I don't understand, no not tonight, just some pure smiles and a twist of lme.
I love blogging. Is anyone reading this. Hi Mom....
One more song and I'll go... Maybe some Phish... Yeah for sure...

Craziest shit I ever saw...

So you want to see the craziest shit in the whole world? I mean seriously. You want a fucking nightmare? Try sticking up for yourself after some shit like this.


http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t293/jmfc/l_558706e614820413d84322de18650cd6.jpg

3 days later

This shit is weird out here. It's wasn't supposed to be this hard. I mean I'm free now. I can run and scream, or point and click. Something was missing and now it isn't and still something is missing. Those moments when you feel alive. A world that notices. A purpose. Where the fuck are they?
It all kept momentum while it stopped for me. I'm so far behind now. My debt is paid, aaaaaahhhhhhhhh....
What a pussy, right? Shit get over it. I thought it was uncomplicated, or was it just something to write. Can you fake it for another day or two. Make the next move, use the queen... Everyones scared of the queen. They will not watch the other peices.

Baby Steps

Beginnings are uncomplicated, nothing to loose, I know what I have, my bags and my shoes. Same earth as last time same consequences for the same choices. No more nightmares in my head making noises.
The next step is important and it's planned and precise. But I'm having trouble making it one last demon isn't being very nice. One time again angels sound in my ear singing their songs. They sing of right now and forgive me of my wrongs. I sure hope I'm right...

Cry Freedom Cry!!!

Over 180 days writing and reading. Studying the reward of my risks. I have concluded one thing. I've been fighting gravity since I was 2 and still I require balance to stand.
Over 6 months I have figured out many things and they were all wrong.
I have pushed every soul away who's ever cared. Drawn in those who could care less and made enemies with the greatest people I've known.
Silence in these past moments have taught me the we are all in this world together. If we choose to ignore it, we will be ignored.
As I stare at the stars for the first time in centries I find a new me. The old me. I'll passionately progress, and ingnore concete, I will deny the perversion of the moment and extend my focus to the future. Our Future. As man. As one being together realizing we are all one.
My sincere appologies are given to my enemies. My friends, and family.
I will now move forward in the favor I was promised 2007 years ago.

Beat Box

Oh no- here comes that sun again. And (that) means another day without you my friend. And it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself. And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else. And it's so hard to do and so easy to say. But sometimes - sometimes, you just have to walk away - walk away. With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one? But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun. And it's so hard to do and so easy to say. But sometimes - sometimes, you just have to walk away - walk away and head for the door. We've tried the goodbye so many days. We walk in the same direction so that we could never stray. They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free, but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery. They say time will make all this go away, but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays. And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found. And it's so hard to do and so easy to say. But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away

Wave Your Hand (A song for her)

(verse 1)
C G
Sometimes I feel that my old friend is still here
Am Fm
Walking with me through the pain
C G
Speaking, looking, knowing my demons are real
D Fm
But you aren't there.
(chorus)
C G A
Did I push you away, did I make you go and run from
Fm
me
C G A Fm
I - - - - Feel you near me.
Fn C G
I hope that you want me, enough to make it go
C G A
Just wave your little magic hand in the air and make it
Fm
all so…x2
(verse 2)
C G
I will live my life, and deal that you are gone
Am Fm
I guess it doesn't matter this time, who's wrong
C G
Times ups, I can't do it, I need you to go on..
D Fm
But you aren't here.
(verse 3)
C G
Things that got us here I can't help but feel it's a plan
Am Fm
Like some one up above is testing and making me a man
C G
If that's true I hope I pass through to a place where I'm unaware
D Fm G
That you aren't there.
(Bridge)
D G
Maybe I will ran off to the places that I've dreamed of
D G
Only time can heal the misery
D G
Maybe I will kneel before the lord and make amends
D
I hope the both of you for-give me
(chorus ending)
C G A Fm
If I pushed you away, and I made you go and run from me
C G A Fm
I - - - - Felt like you were still near me.
Fm C G
I hope that if you ever want me, enough to make it go
C G A
Just wave your little magic hand in the air and make it all Fm
so…x2
C G A
Just wave your little magic hand in the air and say "come
Fm
here Joe!"

Without

What is Monawithout Lisa
or hamwithout cheese
What is appreciation without thank you
or politeness without please
Can fish live without water
or a flower without rain
Can Romeo live without Juliet
or Tarzan without Jane
What is popcorn without butter
or cereal without milk
What is rough without sandpaper
or smooth without silk
Is there Robin without Batman
or Scooby without Doo
Is there life without love
Is there me without you

A Bit of Nothing

"Break the chains" they say, as if they understand.
Break why, these chains need to be.
So we can soar, they may add
Now we can fly, I reply.
Breaking free from things un-understood
A release from the intangibles that collapse our wings
What chains?
I see only what you do
People conspiring selfishly
To take hold of a world they aren't allowed to understand
It's not hard to explain
But there is nothing to speak of
We are restrained only by ourselves
Our own belief in the gravity of our concerns
As if they have meaning.
The woman who ages 20 years at the notice of cancer
The man who lives to 105 with the same.
We are the chains
It is us, determining the strength of our aptitude
Which guides our trust in the non existence.
For we perceive our age and flight
Our excitement is relative
to our understanding of one given moment
From this we desire to break free…
To a continuum of non-time equating our logic
as irrelavent.
However this accomplishment would devise another
Fragment of question.
Could we handle, and would we know?

Risk Everything

There is a risk involved in everything
Every time you share a smile,
Every time you shed a tear
You are opening your self up to hurt.
Some people tread slowly through life
Avoiding the closeness risks brings,
Side-stepping what they can't understand
Turning away from those who care too much,
Those who care stay too long
Those who hold to tightly.
There is never an easy way to love
You can not approach it cautiously,
It is not reliable, it is not cautious,
It is not sympathetic,
It is un prejudiced and un merciless.
It strikes the strongest of minds,
and brings them to their knees in one blow.
Even in the best of times love hurts
It hurts to need, it hurts to belong,
It hurts to be apart of someone else
Without either of your consent,
But, from the moment it over takes you
It hurts worse to be all alone.
The risk of love never depletes:
It grows stronger and more dangerous with time,
But, it's in the total surrender of all defense
that we, no matter weak or strong,
No matter willing or captive
No matter what, we truly experience love.
Despite many things that love is not
Out weighing it all are the things that love is:
Love is surrender with out loss,
It is a gift with out cost
It consumes your every thought and desire,
Every breath you take
It is the fire that fuels you,
to do more than just pass through life-
It urges you instead to live.
No matter what the out come, having felt love,
You will never be the same.
It may scar your heart and soul
and leave you only memories of forever,
Or, it may cause every day of your life
to feel like there is no need for tomorrow.
But, Love is worth it. It is worth the risk...
For in all of life,
Love is the only risk worth taking

One Silly Word

Love is just a wordit knows not the feel of a gentle handcannot capture the emotion of an aching heartlove is just one wordone word that cannot possible describethe fever that burnswhen lovers embracethe pure euphoria of skin against skinthe quivering anticipationof soft lips meetingfour lettersfeebly trying to expressthe joy, the sadness, the weakness, the strength, the foreverthat I feelyet this word that can never say everythingthat I need it tois all I have to give to you

Heal

Before the healing can begin, If healing is to last, It's essential to identify The demons of the past. We need to know just what it is We're trying to erase; In order to escape the pain, We must come face-to-face. The moment of truth can be a shock, And it can send us reeling; Careening on a roller ride, Exposing jagged feeling. Once we know for sure the hurts Were not imagined, but real, Then demons we can exorcise, And finally begin to heal. The habits that we've leaned upon, To cover up the pain, We're finally able to set aside, Regain control again. Once we come to understand The damage that was done, The haze is lifted, and we move From darkness into sun.

Step in Your Way

Actively pursueing our own demise.
At least in the back of the mind in my eyes
Inviting the end of our slim view of success
Pushing it further away into your mess
I want to live as a hypocrite like the rest of you
Judging those surrounding me, what could they do?
Who are you to point your finger at me
Did I say you could.
STOP!!!
I want this so let me push myself off the edge
Let me see the end I crave
It's nice to see I'm at the point to admit
The resounding damage I've put into it
I have slaved to find a way to hide
My tears, my pain, my rage, my life
Lets all gang up to execute
My plan to die
The count down
Begins now
I'll show you
Just how
To be proud